I never want to do grandfatherly things, which I think means smelling like scotch and musk, talking about wars you were in, and being racist. I never really knew my grandfathers, so everything I know about old men I learned from Frasier and All in the Family.
Though I enjoy these grandmotherly pursuits and see nothing wrong with it, assholes on the street would call it being a "fucking FAGGOT." And assholes on the street do in fact call me that. Roughly once a week while I'm on my bike, some guy will feel the need to turn down the Nickelback and holler out of his pick-up truck that I am "fucking GAY," a "fucking QUEER," or a "fucking FAGGOT."
And it's demeaning. Incredibly demeaning.
Not to me, but to humanity.
Not to me, but to humanity.
I like to think that we live in a time where a person's sexual preference wouldn't be used as a slur. It's as inane as trying to insult someone by saying they like apples as opposed to oranges. Who gives a shit? Sometimes I think I should yell back "WHO CARES?" to these assholes on the street, but more times than not, yelling back is just what they want.
* *
I dated a girl a few years back who loved college sports. She would get so into a game that an occasional, "you piece of shiiiiiit" or "OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" would slip out of her dainty little lady lips. I remember learning this early on in the relationship. We were watching an OSU basketball game on her couch the morning after one of our first "encounters," or "trips to the bone-zone" if you will.
I couldn't really focus on the basketball game. I had too many thoughts going through my head.
"Did last night really happen?"
"Yes. Yes it did"
"Awww yeah awww yeah awww yeah"
"Basketball season started? Who knew?"
"She is really into this game"
"Wow, if I liked sports, I'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world right now"
There's a curious double standard in this country (sans the south) where if a girl has a few masculine interests, it's generally seen as a good thing. A woman who likes sports is the quintessential male fantasy woman that could actually exist in real life -- as opposed to your sex-hungry double-D french maid fantasy woman who just loves your dick. A woman who can "hang with the guyz" is seen as an ideal quality to a lot of men.
So why can't a guy who loves "knittin' with the dames" be just as attractive?
So why can't a guy who loves "knittin' with the dames" be just as attractive?
I've noticed too that when people talk about gender equality, the conversation tends to focus on women being more like men -- or at least open to the same opportunities as men. Women doing the same work as men, being as powerful as men. There's usually less talk about men being more like women or doing "women's" work.
Am I being courageous, is Beyonce writing songs about me, when I say I want to stay home and raise the kids?
Of course women should have every single opportunity that men have and should be treated equally as such. The problem occurs when we place traditional masculine roles in higher regard than traditional feminine roles.
Think of traditional masculine roles as, for lack of a better word, egotistical. For the sake of survival, we are all geared to be self-centered to a degree. If we weren't, we'd stop eating and Darwin's finches would pick our eyes out. Traditionally, men have held egotistical roles. We hunted ferocious beasts for food, bought suburban homes for shelter, and ruthlessly climbed corporate ladders for the power to keep what we've worked for.
Think of traditional female roles as more communal. This is also key to our survival. If everyone was out solely for themselves, we'd constantly be watching our backs, protecting anything we had from everyone else. Life would be nasty, brutish and short. So everyone has a yearning for community, and women have traditionally held this role. Raising the next generation of kiddos, organizing lavish Mrs. Dalloway-style parties, and keeping the family together.
Our propensity for egotism and community is what keeps us alive. Unfortunately, these traits are polar opposites. At some point in history, people decided to divy them up and that men should hold the egotistical role and women should hold the communal role. This, I imagine, came from years of men just being physically stronger than women.
This power imbalance has slowly shifted back towards an even playing field -- and after millenia of seeing men in the position of power, unable to stroke their own egos, it makes sense that women would want to do the same things that men do now that they have the opportunity to do so.
They can be doctors! Lawyers! Entrepreneurs! And rightly so. The struggle and strife it must have took, and still takes, to regain a semblance of gender equality is unimaginable.
The only problem is that men, in positions of power and exercising their egos, have been the cause of every huge, shitty disaster to ever happen in the history of forever.
Holocaust? A guy.
The Crusades? Some dudes.
Am I being courageous, is Beyonce writing songs about me, when I say I want to stay home and raise the kids?
Of course women should have every single opportunity that men have and should be treated equally as such. The problem occurs when we place traditional masculine roles in higher regard than traditional feminine roles.
Think of traditional masculine roles as, for lack of a better word, egotistical. For the sake of survival, we are all geared to be self-centered to a degree. If we weren't, we'd stop eating and Darwin's finches would pick our eyes out. Traditionally, men have held egotistical roles. We hunted ferocious beasts for food, bought suburban homes for shelter, and ruthlessly climbed corporate ladders for the power to keep what we've worked for.
Think of traditional female roles as more communal. This is also key to our survival. If everyone was out solely for themselves, we'd constantly be watching our backs, protecting anything we had from everyone else. Life would be nasty, brutish and short. So everyone has a yearning for community, and women have traditionally held this role. Raising the next generation of kiddos, organizing lavish Mrs. Dalloway-style parties, and keeping the family together.
Our propensity for egotism and community is what keeps us alive. Unfortunately, these traits are polar opposites. At some point in history, people decided to divy them up and that men should hold the egotistical role and women should hold the communal role. This, I imagine, came from years of men just being physically stronger than women.
This power imbalance has slowly shifted back towards an even playing field -- and after millenia of seeing men in the position of power, unable to stroke their own egos, it makes sense that women would want to do the same things that men do now that they have the opportunity to do so.
They can be doctors! Lawyers! Entrepreneurs! And rightly so. The struggle and strife it must have took, and still takes, to regain a semblance of gender equality is unimaginable.
The only problem is that men, in positions of power and exercising their egos, have been the cause of every huge, shitty disaster to ever happen in the history of forever.
Holocaust? A guy.
The Crusades? Some dudes.
Just about every war ever? Bros.
If anything, more women in positions of power will help turn the shit-tide of shitty events from here on out, but who knows. Power turned Martha fucking Stewart into an egotistical asshole. It's still a man's world, for worse and for worse, but now it's a man's world with women.
For the sake of ourselves we need to remember to stop thinking about ourselves from time to time. We need to remember that in order to survive, we need to embrace our communal side just as much as our egotistical side. Living in a capitalist society that rewards egotistical behavior over communal behavior, I don't have much hope for that happening. As we focus as a nation more and more on fulfilling our own needs and desires, we're going to find that we don't have a community worth living in anymore.
It doesn't matter if women are the only ones working towards a better community or men. It just needs to happen.
So if I want to gossip with my friends, have cookie parties, and join a knitting circle instead of assuming the traditional male gender role, you can call me a pioneer in the future of gender roles in America if you'd like. Or you can call me a fucking faggot. I don't care. I'd just rather be like this.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST that was an insightful post that I thoroughly enjoyed :)
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